Struggling with Groom Involvement?

You’re engaged and you have been waiting to plan the biggest day of your life since you were 5!  The thought of picking out invitations, favors, and centerpieces makes your mouth water and you keep thinking to yourself, “I get to do this with most wonderful man in the entire world!”

Reality check – he wants nothing to do with the planning.  “Hon, just run the date you have in mind past me so I can make sure it’s not during (insert his favorite sport here) playoffs.  And I’ll make sure I’m there”.

WHAT?  He’s got to be kidding, right?  Of course he wants to help plan the wedding.  Or doesn’t he?

The fact of the matter is a lot of grooms really don’t want any part in wedding planning.  There will be some exceptions of course.  But most grooms simply aren’t that interested in all the small details a wedding can encompass.  While brides may struggle over colors, fabrics, and paper samples for invitations, guys could care less. 

Sure, they want to marry you – they asked, didn’t they?  The day is important to them.  And they want to see you happy that day.  So, what’s a girl to do?

First, don’t assume or make expectations of your groom to be involved with all of the wedding planning.  (If he wants to be, then great.)

Second, if your groom’s idea of being involved is to select his tuxedo or suit and those of the groomsmen and purchase your wedding band and your idea of him helping out included much more, then talk to him.  He may not even know you want him involved.  He might be thinking “it’s a girl thing” or “I’ll just be in the way”.  So, communicate (hey, that’s pretty important in a marriage and if you haven’t started yet, you may as well start now).  You could start by just doing a little Internet research and pull some articles about what grooms (traditionally) are involved with and pay for.  This may not be the case with every wedding, but it’s a starting point for you.

Third, if he agrees to help out but seems a little lost, guide him.  Give him a few main tasks.  If he knows exactly what is expected of him and when things need to be done by, it will help him help you.  Ask him to lead the research for music options, honeymoon, and be there for the food tasting.  Come on – what guy is going to turn down music and food?  The key is to get him involved in the areas that are important to him. 

Fourth, take this as your opportunity to have the wedding you have always wanted.  If he doesn’t care about flowers and you want so much pink that it looks like a bottle of Pepto Bismol exploded at your reception – go for it!  (I’m kidding, of course.  Go easy on the pink).

Finally, if he doesn’t want to lead any tasks, ask if he will at least be willing to share his opinion once in a while.  When it comes time to settle on invitations, select your final 3 and ask which is favorite.  This way, you are only showing him the ones you are comfortable with (wink, wink) and he is still “helping you out”.

Remember, wedding planning should be fun!  It all goes by very quickly so try to enjoy the experience!

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